Fourth Birthday Letter…

My dear M&M’s,

You are now four years old! Wow, time flies!

From an overwhelmed, anxious and insecure new mother of three (newborn twins for that matter), who was waiting to be rescued most of the time or trying to rush the difficult phases of parenting without fully surrendering to them, while always feeling resentful towards people in her life for abandoning her; to a confident, self-sufficient, passionate, peaceful, compassionate, mindful and happy mother, this has been quite a journey for me. I have never been pushed to such limits before in my life and I know that I didn’t just survive, I actually thrived and continue to thrive.

For most of my life, until recently, my natural reaction to chaos was reacting with anxiety, blaming others, becoming resentful, feeling helpless and even victimized sometimes and indulging in meltdowns, temper tantrums and other self-destructive behaviors of my own. You taught me to recognize these behaviors and accept them without acting them out. The more you put me in chaotic situations, often left to handle them on my own, (slowly but steadily, despite my initial struggles), the more stillness I found within me.

You are the best teachers I ever had. I love learning about myself, about life and how to live it, from you. I just love learning from you. Period. You hold up a mirror in front of me all the time. Sometimes I am frustrated and disappointed by what I see in that mirror. Some other times, I am proud and excited. No matter what I see in there, I have reached a point in my own journey where I am not afraid to look inside that mirror. I am eager to find out what else you have to teach me. I am determined to continue to learn, grow and become the parent that you need me to be at all times. That is my life long commitment to you. I hope to be that anchor in your lives that you can lean on anytime you may need to.

You helped me find my own unique way in my life. You helped me get to a point in my own spiritual journey where I just love myself, which radiates outwards into the love that I show towards you and other people in my life. You helped me discover my true self, not the version of me that was out there before, which was a byproduct of my own upbringing in a hierarchical society and culture. You helped me become one with myself. You taught me how to be peaceful and happy within, no matter what my external circumstances are. For this and much more, I feel eternally grateful towards you.

What an incredible journey this has been so far! I absolutely love the energy, the passion, the love, the joy, the inspiration, the meaning, the purpose and much, much more that you bring to my life. I am truly blessed to be your mother. I am eager to see how the future unfolds for us. Happy fourth birthday, boys! I love you ❤️


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