Book Review: Out Of Control, Why Disciplining Your Child Does Not Work by Dr Shefali Tsabary…

Just finished reading this. Like her other two books, this book by Dr Tsabary is also inline with conscious/gentle/peaceful/mindful parenting and is definitely worth reading. In this book, Dr Tsabary methodically diffuses all the popular myths about discipline that continue to exist in various cultures around the world, despite their proven ineffectiveness. I just love Dr Tsabary’s teachings. I am fan of the honest, non-judgmental and deeply spiritual manner in which she communicates her messages to the world making effective use of her extraordinary writing skills.

I am copying a few quotes from the book below because I couldn’t convey these messages any better than Dr Tsabary herself. I would rate this book at ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.

“The insight that discipline is really nothing but a crutch for parents who feel helpless when confronted by their own inadequacies is nothing short of revolutionary.”

“When we engage with our children from the belief that child discipline is a vital aspect of our role as parents, we assume children are inherently undisciplined and need to be civilized. Ironically, the most heavily disciplined children are often those least able to control themselves.

“It’s because discipline focuses on behavior, not on the feelings driving the behavior, that it undercuts the very thing we are trying to accomplish.”

“The reality is that children learn not because we tell them, but from how we relate to them. It’s the difference between “doing to” versus “doing with”.”

“It’s the dynamic that arises from insisting on our parental agenda that creates the need for discipline.”

“There are all kinds of ways we can help our children cope with their world. Creativity is what’s needed, not admonishment or discipline.”

“Children are naturally resourceful and only require our guidance, not our manipulation.”

“Whenever we reprimand and discipline, we inevitably diminish honest communication, if not end it altogether.”

“The only rules you need are around safety. Those are the only rules I have in my household.”

“All children yearn for connection – not correction.”

“When we realize that neediness underpins all acting out, and that emotional need easily overwhelms logic and good judgment, it becomes obvious that to go on the attack is the opposite of what’s required.”

“By parenting in a non-disciplining way that fosters a child’s own resolve, we are shooting for long-range development rather than short-term goals.”

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